And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
