You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
