there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
