An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
