Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
bring money and cleavage
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
