Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
