Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
