I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
