You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
