I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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