I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
