Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
