Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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