watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
