You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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