Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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