if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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