i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
