when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
