And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
