On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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