i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
