think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
