If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
