Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
