Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
