my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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