Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
