i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
