Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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