Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
