can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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