She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
