hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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