69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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