the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
