It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
