No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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