Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
