This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
