Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
