At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
