Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
even my farts smell like vagina
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
