She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My balls are so social today.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
