how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
