Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
