can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
