it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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