He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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