her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
